Use Your Table Manners

One of the great things abut Australia is it’s multiculturalism. We are one big mixed soup of people who originated from all over the world. You don’t need to travel around the world to experience food from India, China, Japan, Italy, France and Greece as restaurants serving these cuisines are just down the street.

Dining out is a part of our culture. We eat to celebrations, socialise, discuss business or simply because we are too lazy to chop our own vegetables at home. In line with Australia’s casual culture the majority of restaurants have gone for a casual café-style set up in the restaurants were they cram as many people into their space and throw a knife and fork on a napkin for you. Although this creates a lively, relaxed atmosphere for dining, it has one side effect. When we find ourselves in a formal or fine dining situation we can be ignorant on what is regarded appropriate etiquette.

So my mission today is to give you a few tips on things you may not know.
What is the first thing you should do when you sit at a table? If the waitperson has not done it for you, lay your napkin across your lap. Don’t tuck it into your pants, and you don’t need to tuck it into your shirt like a bib either. Because who wears bibs? Babies, not babes! One other habit I have witnessed once or twice is tucking the table cloth into the top of the pants. You should have the ability to transfer food from the plate to your moth without needing a safety net over your pants. Besides you risk looking like a comedy scene if you forget to untuck before leaving the table and taking everything on the table with you!

Remember to use your napkin too. It’s there to keep your mouth clean and prevents people sitting across from you having internal conversations with themselves about when they should tell you that you have bolognes in the corners of your mouth. If you need to leave the table during a meal, what do you do with your napkin? Leave it on your chair. Definitely don't put it on the table--what if you have crumbs on it?

And speaking of crumbs… Bread rolls or slices of bread are quite often served early on in a dining experience. If you are sitting at a round table and wondering which one is yours, it’s to your left. And while we are talking about positions, your drinking glasses are to your right. Bread is not served to us before the entrée so we can gobble it up so quickly because we are starving and can’t wait 15 minutes for entrée to be served. You should nibble at it in between courses. In my experience, most people do not know the correct etiquette of eating a bread roll. First break off a bite size piece with your hands over the bread plate to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. Then butter that piece of bread and eat. Repeat the process casually between courses.

When it comes to seasoning a meal, how quickly is the waitperson by your side asking you if you would like cracked pepper on your salad? Did you know it is considered an insult to the chef to season a meal with pepper, salt, dressing, sauce or anything else before tasting it? Imagine poor, hard working chef, slogging their guts out to prepare you an edible masterpiece of taste sensations and you start altering the taste before sampling it. So always try your meal and then salt, pepper or sauces it to your liking. Remember the chef still has to prepare your dessert. Best not to upset them yet!

These are just a few tips to get you started so your home work for this week is to go out for dinner, place the napkin across your lap as you are seated, not win the World Record for Fasting Bread eating and taste your meal before deciding how to season it. Stay tuned for more tips next week….that’ll give you another excuse to head out for dinner next week!

What Are You Talking About?

You’re funny, quick witted and always have an entertaining story on hand when you are with your friends or standing around the water cooler with your work mates. Making conversation comes so easily for you normally, but why is it when that hotty walks in the room you become speechless, or when the CEO compliments you on your tie you can’t string a sentence together. It’s a frustrating phenomenon that whenever the chance to speak to someone you regard as superior you can’t think of a thing to say.

So how to avert becoming the Stuttering Sammy or Silent Sal?

I have been blessed to work with some people who many would regard as some of the hardest people to talk to. As a fashion choreographer I have spent time with many models aka the beautiful people and in radio I get to speak to various celebrities not just on –air but off-air too. One thing I have found, and even research has found the same, is that 10s (the people you would consider 10/10 in looks and thus scariest to talk to) can be pretty lonely people because no one feels like they measure up. So next time you feel like talking to a 10, do it! Remember beauty and nastiness isn’t directly related. All 10s aren’t going to be nasty to you. Remember there are some pretty nasty 2s as well!

So what do you talk about? A simple, “Hi. How’s your day going?” could be a good start.
After that ask them questions about something they are interested in. How do you know what they are interested in? Well guess what everyone’s favourite subject is…not celebrities or food or sex...themselves. Allow them to talk about themselves and they have plenty of content! Being a good communicator doesn’t just mean you are someone who speaks clearly, loudly and about interesting things. Being a good communicator also means you’re a good listener. Show someone you are listening by giving them your full attention, having the right body language and using prompting questions.

Now some people you talk to will talk at a drop of a hat but others need a little more prompting. On line conversations are a good example. Every had a conversation where the person just replies with a series of “LOLs”, “cools” and “yeps”? Take a look at the questions you are asking. Closed ended questions generally start with words including “would”, “could”, “should”, “can”, “do” or “did”. They can easily be answered with a “yes” or “no”. However Open Ended Questions which start with words such as “how”, “who”, “what”, “when”, “where” and “why” require the replier to give you more information. For example;

“What did you do on the weekend?”
“I went to the beach”
“Who did you go with?”
“I took my two dogs”

Etc, etc…The advantage of open ended questions is you can use the information they give you to continue the conversation. This may help it to flow better. There will still be some people that even if you beat them over the head with frying pan wouldn’t mutter two words to you but overall you will find some success.

So now you shouldn’t be intimidated to talk to anyone. Say hello, ask them open ended questions and get into a conversation about them. Research is found in forming initial opinions on people e that it is the flow of a conversation rather than the content that leave a good impression. So as long as you keep the conversation going you will have a date, promotion or be their Facebook friend in no time.

A Close Shave - For The Guys

At the risk of starting a battle of the sexes, shaving is one hassle that men have tolerate..not once a month or every four to six weeks but nearly every day. Some gents even have to shave more than once a day. The average man has more than 25,000 hairs as hard as copper wire coming out of his face and spends 3,000 hours in his lifetime shaving them off.

And why should we shave? Because it gives an impression that you have made an effort to groom yourself and that you have made an effort….maybe it’s the parallel to ladies wearing make-up. Ever wondered why we started shaving?

The Egyptians were the first to bathe several times a day and remove body hair, sometimes with a clam shell. At first, the Romans thought this was gross and the lack of body hair was a deformity; then they too began to scrape it off. The practice became so accepted, members of "unbarbered" societies became known as barbarians.

Let’s face it, shaving is an invasive activity. Grabbing a sharp metal blade and dragging it along your skin to cut of each facial hair is not the ideal thing for your skin. However there are various tips that can help you get the best shave.

1. Shave in the shower: Shaving should be your final step before leaving the shower. The warm moisture of a shower makes hairs soft and plump and opens your pores. Thus, it is better if the water is on the warmer side. You can purchase mirrors that go in the shower. If you can’t shave in the shower, do so as soon as possible after you let out.

2. Lubricate: A performance shaving formula should form a slick lubricating cushion to allow shaving blades to glide without scraping. Leave it on your face for a minute before shaving.

3. Use a face scrub: A gentle scrubbing massage will help open pores, prime follicles and raise stubs for a closer shave. This exfoliation removes dead cells and impurities that can cause acne, ingrown hairs and infection. It will also smooth and renew your complexion.

4. Use a sharp blade: Discard shaving blades after four or five uses. Unfortunately, they don’t stay sharp enough for more than that. Use gentle strokes; don’t put too much pressure on the blade.

5. After care: They can damage your skin and create microscopic swelling. Avoid anything that tingles, stings or numbs during or after shaving, when your skin is vulnerable. Stay away from alcohol or strong plant extracts such as menthol, peppermint or citrus. Some individuals don’t realise that cologne and after shave are different things. After shave, as it’s name suggests, sooths skin after shaving. Cologne is to make you smell good.

6. Direction: Shave in two steps. First, shave with the grain with very light pressure. Second, reapply a coat of shaving cream and shave against the grain for super-close and smooth results.

7. Environment: Think about where your bathroom light is in relation to your mirror. Many bathroom lights are in the centre of the ceiling, while the mirror is on the wall. Thus, the light is behind us. Not the best situation for making sure you cover every inch of your face. Consider placing a lamp next to the mirror that shines directly on your face.

Some of these tips may be blatantly obvious, but others you may not have considered. Follow them all and it will avoid you looking red faced after a bad shave.

Who Are You Talking To?

Modern Day Technology. The internet, mobiles, IPods. Bringing people closer together…or is it? Have you considered that although it is now easier than ever to communicate with people, it can also be responsible for increasing the inter-personal divide? I am always surprised when I see someone listening to their IPod on headphones comes to a counter and the worker behind a desk or counter asks something intrusive like, “How are you today?”How often have I seen that person have their day ruined (well that’s the scale of the disgruntled look on their face) when they have to remove their head phones and ask, “What did you say?”

That’s just one example of how technology that allows us to connect to the song or broadcast of someone while ignoring those standing in front of us. But if there is one piece of technology that brings people together at the same time as dividing them further apart, it would have to be the new organ of the human body, the essential… mobile phone. I must admit if I had the choice of loosing my wallet, my new Calibre jacket, my car keys or my mobile. I’d prefer you strip me naked and drive my car cross country, petrol courtesy of my credit card, before I would loose my beloved phone. However there is one possession I love more…the people in my life.
One of my favourite sayings is; “People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care”. In other words people aren’t really interested in anything you have to say until they feel you are concerned about their well being. We all know that mobiles can be used to tell people we care but could they also have the opposite effect?

Anyone who grew up in the 80s or before should remember a time before mobiles. Remember how we arranged to catch up. You set up a time to meet somewhere and everyone showed up…at the allocated time. If you didn’t you missed out. You couldn’t SMS to tell them you had a wardrobe malfunction and running 25 minutes late. Showing up on time is one way simple way of showing to someone that they are important. Remember the last time you were left waiting? How did you feel? Disrespected? “If he knew how much I wanted to see this movie, he wouldn’t have been so late and made us miss the first 10 minutes”!

Another example. How many times have you been in a social situation and seen someone on their phone. What type of message does that portray? The same as if you were talking to me and I walked over to say Hi to a friend while you were mid-sentence. That there is something more important than you.

Other examples you may have observed in public include listening to someone yelling down a mobile phone about how trashed they were last night or having Lady Gaga’s latest tune start blasting from a mobile in the middle of a movie (not that there is anything wrong with Lady Gaga). In fact, an Internet survey involving 4955 votes, undertaken by CellManners.com (2001), showed 53% of votes agreed that mobile phones should be banned in restaurants, churches, public transit, performances and libraries.

So in future try speaking quietly rather than shouting, let a call divert to message bank if in the company of others and find a private place to talk if around a group of people. Constantly being on your phone doesn’t make you a socialite or important. It makes you someone who spends their life trying to please people you are not with at the expense of the people who actually care enough to spend time with you (for now).

What's That New Smell

When it comes to our sense of smell humans didn’t get the best deal. Dogs are reported to have a sense of smell 50-100 times better than ours (now I understand their fascination of smelling every lamppost and bush). The polar bear can smell a female from 90 miles away (I guess they don’t need RSVP.com then). Humans tend to only detect a smell for about 10 seconds.

So imagine your morning ritual includes a wash and scrub in the shower with your vanilla bean and coconut body wash, plus that peppermint conditioner because you love how it makes your scalp go all tingly. Then after hopping out and drying yourself you use your rose water toner to soothe your skin, followed by your moisturizer with ylang ylang and lavender, add your bow chica wow wow scented deodorant and topped with the latest fragrance from Gucci or Calvin Klein and guess what you smell like? Some bizarre cross between a fruit bowl, the perfume department in Myer and the latest candle collection from Dusk. You just don’t notice it due to your poor performing nose.

Fragrance Layering 101. Fragrance layering is using scented products from the same “fragrance family” to optimise the impact of the fragrance in question and to allow it to have lasting power. This includes bath and shower gels, skin treatments like moisturisers and after shave balms, and fragrances such as deodorant, perfume and cologne. So when the pushy salesperson is trying to sell you the moisturiser, deodorant and body wash with your new perfume or cologne, they aren’t just trying to reach their daily sales target, they are also trying to encourage you to fragrance layer.

Unfortunately you can’t always get the every Gaultier cream, spray and lotion to match your latest scent, whether it be a case of budget or availability but all is not lost. If you stick to one “fragrance family” then you will still achieve the desired effect.

The families are:

Floral or Sweet: Deriving their dominant smell from flowers including jasmine, lily, rose, orange blossom and lavender. eg. Estee Lauder Pleasures and White Linen and Gaultier’s Le Fleur for men.

Sporty or Clean: Have a smell akin to a warm shower or a good soap. Common in eau de colognes. Many of the fragrances in the Tommy and Ralph Lauren Polo ranges belong in the sporty/clean family.

Green or Natural: Think of pine forests or ocean side walks and you come close to the aroma of a natural perfume. Examples of natural perfumes are Burberry London, Calvin Klein Truth for Women and Armani Aqua Di Gio for men.

Musk: Musk fragrances give off the strongest aroma of all the fragrance families and are strongly suggestive and sexy. Common musk perfumes are O Oui by Lancôme, Shalimar by Guerlain and Dolce & Gabbana for Women.

Woody or Chypre: Also referred to as earthy. This family is made up of fragrances which contain bergamot, jasmine and oak moss. Popular examples are Romance by Ralph Lauren for women and Gucci’s Envy and Rush for men.

Oriental or Spicy: These perfumes are made up of animal scents and vanilla combined with wood and flowers, or both. Popular oriental perfumes are Lancôme’s Magic Noir, Opium by Yves Saint Laurent for females and Armani Black Code for men.

So, what is that smell? It’s now the heavenly scented you.

Keep Your Opinions To Yourself

Humans are opinionated beings. If I asked you which is better…blonde or brunette, boxers or briefs, wax it off or let it grow…or any other life changing decision, you’d probably be able to answer quite easily. Furthermore, you’d be able to justify why your answer is the “correct” one. Now, I am no expert on the evolution of the human brain but I am guessing there once was a survival advantage to determining good from bad, right from wrong. Knowing that these berries were yummy and those give you the runs or knowing that giraffes are harmless whereas lions may eat you probably helped you to be successful in, well…staying alive.

However is it a benefit to have an opinion on everything including the correct way arrange the cutlery in the top drawer (spoons, forks, knifes, from left to right, isn’t it?) to whether you should invest in property or shares? Furthermore, is it to your benefit to announce your opinions to every living being with two ears and a spare moment of their time?

Sharing an opinion that contradicts or belittles another suggests that you are right, thus they are wrong. Or even if you don’t mean this…this is often how it is heard. How do we react to being told we are wrong? With some form of resistance. Maybe an argument will ensue, or some form or avoidance. Picture this. Someone chooses to share with you that they are really annoyed how their boss is speaking to them and you tell them they should stand up to their boss (your opinion) rather than simply listening to the person gripe. This isn’t empowering at all to this person and they are going to feel less comfortable about sharing in the future, especially about this issue. Next time to boss is a prick they will bitch to a friend instead.

But Adam! My opinion must be right! Everyone agrees with me! All my friends agree, so do my work mates, my Dr Phil self help book and the lady who sells me my morning croissant! In response I say, a majority doesn’t mean something is correct. The majority of the world used to believe the world was flat. Plus, ask a psychologist and they will tell you that we tend to surround ourselves with friends and groups that agree with us because it makes us feel better about ourselves. There quite possibly may be a group just as large as yours that disagree with you, they are hanging elsewhere.

So what I am saying is each time you are about to share an opinion for the greater good of someone, the effect may be someone draws away from you or feels less comfortable to share with you. Far from the desired effect of being adorned and cherished for being the all-knowing, wise Oracle. Perhaps next time someone has a different way of thinking you could take the time to understand why and learn a little more about the diversity of the world. That might be a better way to go….but that’s just my opinion.

Pick Up Like A Model

The other day I sat in a venue with a friend when they confessed that he hated the fact that he never really got much of a look from anyone when he walked into a place. Now my friend ain’t Brad Pitt (he couldn’t be because know that Brad’s outside my bedroom window stalking me, not joining me for a drink) but he definitely hasn’t been beaten with the ugly stick either. His confession led to the two of us watched the diversity of entrances coming through the front door. Some showed confidence, some were purely on show but many needed a good lesson of Modelling For Dummies 101. Now I am not suggesting we are all meant to drop our current occupation to become a model but there are some tips that could help you gain more attention and great a better first impression.

Tip # 1: Smile. Put your hand up if you would rather in the company of a happy person rather than a sad person. Thank you, hands down. It’s no surprise. We prefer to be around people that are fun and happy rather than someone with more issues than a box of Kleenex. Smiling will make you more inviting and approachable.

Tip # 2: Eye Contact. Your eyes are a very useful tool. Wherever you look you command others to look. Remember the last time you were having coffee with a friend and they were checking out a hottie behind you. How did you know their attention was elsewhere? Because they were looking elsewhere. How do you get people to look at you? Look at them, rather than the floor, your mobile or anything else you can find to fiddle with.

Tip # 3: Posture. Apart from being healthier good posture portrays confidence, another desirable quality. Ever been told to stand up straight or stop slouching? Yes Mum! What do you do? Shoulders back, tummy in, bum in. Apart from looking like a constipated duck you get cramps after a minute. What I want you to do is pick up a magic hammer in one hand and a magic nail in the other. Now hammer the nail into your head. (yes I am crazy). It won’t hurt because it’s magic. Now pick up a magic string, tie one end to the nail and the other to the sky. Use that magic string to pull you up. This will engage the erector spinae muscles wrapped around your spine and help everything fall into alignment. Now you look stunning.

So your homework is to try these three things next time you make an entrance, and even keep it up all night. You will look more friendly, approachable, confident and happy. Sounds like good traits for a partner, doesn’t it?

What on Earth Are You Doing To Your Face?

When you were growing up did your mum or grandma ever watch you as you carefully followed your 18 step basic skin care routine before commenting that, “When I was a child, I just used soap and water and I still turned out beautiful”! Yes mum of course you did but when mum was growing up, there wasn’t global warming and a thinning ozone layer, when she was growing up there wasn’t as much pollution, there was less additives, preservatives and general toxins in the food, drink and water they consumed, the average person was on less medications, had lower stress levels and spent less time in front of a computer screen, tanning globes and other radiation emitting devices. Mum didn’t step out of her climate controlled house, into her climate controlled car and drive to her climate controlled workplace, before hopping back in the climate controlled car to return to the climate controlled house. Yep, things were different, and unfortunately all these things have a negative and often drying effect on our skin. What’s a sign of dry skin? WRINKLES! Yes we risk getting wrinkles earlier than our olds…but there is hope.


Skin care products have been developed to combat the environment we now live in…so, what on Earth are you doing to your face. Well you should be doing at least a basic, 3 step skin care routine. Yep, that’s cleanse, tone, moisturise.

Cleanse. Feel the skin on your arm. Now feel the skin on your face. See how your face is softer? It’s more sensitive too. Using a cleanser is basically a safe soap for your face. Soap is too drying.


Tone. Why do you tone? Because it’s the second bottle in the gift pack? Your skin has a pH level, just like your pool or fish tank. It’s 5.5 (those old enough would remember the range called Johnson’s 5.5). Toner brings back the natural pH level of your skin after a day of living, cleansing and make-up.


Moisturise. It doesn’t add moisture to the skin but rather helps seal the natural moisture in. It’s kind of like covering your face with Cling Wrap to keep it fresh. But this way you avoid any freak suffocation incidents.


How often do you need to do this? You need to do it at night to clean your face from a day of living and licking up life. Then again in the morning. Yes, you may have just been sleeping on your pillow but as you lay there bits of skin are flaking of your head, your sebaceous glands are secreting oil, you may sweat a little. You never know what may come out your mouth. You never know what may come out of your nose. How clean does your face feel now? I thought so ;D

How To Dump and Be Dumped

In 1863, Lady Gough’s Book of Etiquette stated that, “The perfect hostess will see to it that the works of male and female authors be properly separated on her bookshelves. Their proximity, unless they happen to be married, should not be tolerated”. Now times have become a little more relaxed in the world and J.K Rowling’s latest is fine to be placed next to your Deepak Chopra bible however when it comes to a couple separating, I feel there should still be some etiquette and decorum.

Firstly I want to have a word to the dumpers…If I hear another person say, “They are such a sweet person and I am waiting for the right time (maybe after Christmas….2011) because I don’t want to upset them”, then I may have to bitch slap them to Copenhagen. The truth is the only reason you haven’t called it off is you are delaying feeling guilty or for some other reason that I assure you is totally self centred. If you really cared for them you would want to see them with someone who truly loved and cherished them. The quickest way for them to find such a person is to throw that fish back in the water so it can glide away as soon as it forgets about the hook you just ripped out of it’s throat. It’s simple. Be honest, compassionate and then leave them be.

Now dumpees, you poor things. Make sure you say Thank you! What? But that F&*% C&^$* just dumped me. What about the dog, the house, the holiday, the wedding, the anniversary, the children and the happy ever after? Well the truth is that person just did you a favour and you do not need to repay them by texting, calling, begging, stalking or declaring you have changed your mind on trying that new vogue Scandinavian sex game that requires 2 sheep placentas and some. At the end of the day, this is a person who doesn’t value enough to call you their partner and they are letting you off the hook to go find someone who will cherish, adore and love you for the attractive, witty, intelligent catch that you are. Don’t waste your time making excuses like they are simply stressed from work, haven’t got over their ex or they just need to do their “lap” to realise the grass isn’t greener because the more like reason is most probably, in the words of Greg Behrendt, “He’s Just Not that Into You”.

So whether you agree or disagree, I think it’s fair to say that everyone deserves to be with someone who will truly love them and there is enough nastiness in the world that you don’t need to add to it. When the time comes to end a relationship let’s do it with respect for them and yourself. And if you don’t use your best manners, you will have to eat dinner with that Harry Potter Novel on your head for the next week.