What Are You Talking About?

You’re funny, quick witted and always have an entertaining story on hand when you are with your friends or standing around the water cooler with your work mates. Making conversation comes so easily for you normally, but why is it when that hotty walks in the room you become speechless, or when the CEO compliments you on your tie you can’t string a sentence together. It’s a frustrating phenomenon that whenever the chance to speak to someone you regard as superior you can’t think of a thing to say.

So how to avert becoming the Stuttering Sammy or Silent Sal?

I have been blessed to work with some people who many would regard as some of the hardest people to talk to. As a fashion choreographer I have spent time with many models aka the beautiful people and in radio I get to speak to various celebrities not just on –air but off-air too. One thing I have found, and even research has found the same, is that 10s (the people you would consider 10/10 in looks and thus scariest to talk to) can be pretty lonely people because no one feels like they measure up. So next time you feel like talking to a 10, do it! Remember beauty and nastiness isn’t directly related. All 10s aren’t going to be nasty to you. Remember there are some pretty nasty 2s as well!

So what do you talk about? A simple, “Hi. How’s your day going?” could be a good start.
After that ask them questions about something they are interested in. How do you know what they are interested in? Well guess what everyone’s favourite subject is…not celebrities or food or sex...themselves. Allow them to talk about themselves and they have plenty of content! Being a good communicator doesn’t just mean you are someone who speaks clearly, loudly and about interesting things. Being a good communicator also means you’re a good listener. Show someone you are listening by giving them your full attention, having the right body language and using prompting questions.

Now some people you talk to will talk at a drop of a hat but others need a little more prompting. On line conversations are a good example. Every had a conversation where the person just replies with a series of “LOLs”, “cools” and “yeps”? Take a look at the questions you are asking. Closed ended questions generally start with words including “would”, “could”, “should”, “can”, “do” or “did”. They can easily be answered with a “yes” or “no”. However Open Ended Questions which start with words such as “how”, “who”, “what”, “when”, “where” and “why” require the replier to give you more information. For example;

“What did you do on the weekend?”
“I went to the beach”
“Who did you go with?”
“I took my two dogs”

Etc, etc…The advantage of open ended questions is you can use the information they give you to continue the conversation. This may help it to flow better. There will still be some people that even if you beat them over the head with frying pan wouldn’t mutter two words to you but overall you will find some success.

So now you shouldn’t be intimidated to talk to anyone. Say hello, ask them open ended questions and get into a conversation about them. Research is found in forming initial opinions on people e that it is the flow of a conversation rather than the content that leave a good impression. So as long as you keep the conversation going you will have a date, promotion or be their Facebook friend in no time.